Dive right in

"Now I'll never dance with another, whoooo, when I saw her standing there" - The Beatles

To the uninitiated, networking might seem like a grade-school dance. Remember those long-ago times? Boys on one side, girls on the other. Both sides peeking shyly at the other, waiting for someone to make a move. It was like bottled anticipation.

So who usually had the most fun in those situations? That's right, those who were willing to make the move. Those who swallowed hard and took the chance. Those who overcame their shyness, inhibitions, whatever, and spoke to that other person who looked interesting (or was it just cute?).

The wallflowers didn't win. They waited and kept on waiting.

Other kids stayed close to their cliques, circles tightly closed, and repelled through sheer body language. They didn't make any new friends, either.

There's a famous book which, when paraphrased, states that all we need to know we learn in kindergarten. For learning how to network effectively, we can extend that out a few years, but not too many are needed.

The last post here posed a brutal but valid truth: Networking does not match human nature. We aren't programmed to go up to strangers and start talking to them. Maybe it's fear of rejection, maybe it's social niceties that our parents taught us, maybe it's fear of funny looks in return - it's just not natural.

So here's a bit of advice for those holding back: Dive right in.

You want more? OK, try this: Be a kamikaze.

For the historically challenged, the term "kamikaze" doesn't refer to the vodka-triple sec-lime juice shots you pounded down in college (if you remember them, that is).

No, "kamikaze" refers to the Japanese suicide pilots who crashed their planes into American naval craft late in World War II. They killed and maimed thousands of brave U.S. military personnel, so this is not intended as praise for them.

Rather, to be a kamikaze in networking means to be fearless as you plunge into the crowd. It's about stuffing that natural hesitation in your back pocket and going forth. It's about doing what it takes to make new connections - and isn't that what networking is all about?

If the response to this is "Oh, I could never just walk up and start talking to someone I don't know," then here's another piece of advice: Find a job where you're allied with some major-league rainmakers, or one where business just magically comes through the door. Because if you're in a position where developing new business is a must, networking might be the biggest "must-have" skill a person can possess.

Developing a fearless "kamikaze" approach takes time. But it can happen, no doubt. Eventually you'll find yourself scanning the crowd for new faces to meet, not the safety net of someone you already know. It's all a matter of taking those first steps. The rest get easier and easier.

The next post here will address some of the niceties of networking. You see, as much as you want to tell others all about what you do, they probably don't want to know every last excruciating detail (sneak preview there).

In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, start your engines. There's a whole world of people out there to meet. It's time to fly.

The "work" of networking

OK, don't get distracted here. This is going to sound like the typical lead-in to a lot of jokes - "This guy walks into a bar ..." - but stay with it.

This guy - we'll call him Jack - walks into a networking event (See? You were warned). He doesn't recognize a single face. Uh-oh. What now?

Take a deep breath. Be cool. Jack heads for the first convenient distraction: the bar. That will eat a bit of time until there's a familiar face or two.

He gets a drink. Well, that's done. Getting a little nervous here.

The next destination is the food table. Jack's killed 10 minutes or so, and still no one obvious to talk with. How can he not know anyone? Mild panic starts to set in.

"I can't believe it," he thinks. "What am I supposed to do here? How long do they expect me to stay? Am I supposed to just wander around by myself in this crowd?"

So Jack does exactly that: Wanders around, his head on a swivel, desperately searching for someone he knows. Maybe he finds someone. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe his insecurity gets the best of him and he leaves early. In any case, he gets absolutely no value out of the event.

Get the picture? Jack doesn't know jack about networking.

Networking is the art - and yes, it is an art - of making new connections. It's about turning strangers into acquaintances, business contacts and maybe even friends. Like it or not - and here's where a lot of people get uncomfortable - networking is often about walking up to a complete stranger and starting a conversation.

Yet if you're in business, networking might be a lifeblood of your operation.

You see, the one thing they never teach in college is how most business really gets done. One could submit that this is a considerable failing of higher education.

Business is all about relationships. It's about knowing people. It's about personal trust between individuals. It's about mutual respect and, to use a somewhat hackneyed term, "likability."

Need an example? Ask any salesperson about the difference between cold calling and warm calling - where they have a personal contact within a sales prospect - and be prepared for descriptions like "night and day."

Networking is crucial to building relationships, and herein lies the conundrum: its practice really goes against human nature. People aren't programmed to walk up and start conversations with others they don't know. Didn't your mother warn you about talking to strangers?

Yet networking is, especially for small businesses, an essential part of staying vibrant. Understanding and implementing a few simple tactics can be the key to successful networking. We'll get into these in future posts. So check back soon to delve further into this practice, which many find daunting and others just mysterious.

Above all, pledge not to be like Jack. It's hard to be successful when, well, you don't know jack.